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How a weekend to Homestead Resort strengthened my marriage

A dear friend of mine left this world much too soon in January, and his life was a testament of all that is good in the world.

Mark had an amazing perspective on life even through out his battle with brain cancer.

Towards the end of his eulogy, his sweet wife Jenny shared these thoughts:

“Life is short, live it.  Fear is limiting, face it.  Anger is destructive, release it.  Love is abundant, give it.”

This is how Mark lived his life.

He cherished his relationships.

He never had an agenda.

He was just one of those pure souls.

It was always clear that family and friends were important to him. However, it became crystal clear, despite his struggle, his wife and two sons were what he treasured most.

About 6 months prior to this, up until just before Mark passed away, I was in the middle of my own personal crisis.  I was on the back end of fighting my own battle with cancer.  I was diagnosed with stage 3c breast cancer early in 2012.  After suffering through hard rounds of chemotherapy, surgery, and weeks of radiation, I emerged cancer free, yet my life would never be the same again.

During this time, as my husband and I tried to hold everything together, it seemed something was broken from all the pressure life was piling on us.

My marriage of 7 years seemed about a half of a step away from taking a nosedive into the divorce abyss.  What started out as an incredible love story took a turn for the worse after 3 years of getting rocked by pretty much everything life can throw at you.  There were financial setbacks, cancer, further financial setbacks, and a whole laundry list of other things too long and painful to explain.   We made it through these things but it was in the aftermath when things grew dimmer.  For some reason, we became a little numb.  Instead of letting these challenges bring us closer, it starting pulling us apart. We just were not even on the same page anymore.  We were together but our hearts were not one like they used to be.

Just after the New Year, my husband came to me and said that he didn’t want to live like this anymore.  He said that he loved me and thought much of the problem was the fact that he just didn’t feel connected to me like he used to.  He said it felt like some sort of post traumatic stress disorder.  He owned the fact that he had been pushing me away by wallowing in his own failures and shortcomings as well as all of our problems.  He was grumpy most of the time because of these things.  He was treating me how he was feeling on the inside.  To be honest, I was definitely closing off to him because of his behavior and treating him poorly because I thought he just didn’t care anymore.  I felt strongly that maybe he didn’t even love me anymore.  Shortly after, I learned I may have been too quick to judge.

He made a complete 180 and over the next couple weeks was a completely different man.  It seemed like his only focus was putting me first and putting the kids first.  He wasn’t at all distracted by anything else.  He was doing all the things that I ever wanted him to do.  Little things like cleaning up more around the house.  Lifting some of the burden of raising children and keeping a home organized off of my shoulders.  He put my comfort before his.  He kissed me for no apparent reason other than wanting to kiss me.  He brought me flowers.  He left me little notes.  He held my hand.

I was skeptical.  In some ways I didn’t want to believe the change.  I just about had both feet out the door before this and was of the mindset that I just didn’t care anymore.  I started to plan out in my head how I was going to live on my own.  How I was going to support myself and so on.  However, one night during this same time, we were talking with a friend of my husbands who was visiting.  Mark’s funeral was the same day.  I left my husband and our visitor to talk and went into my office to see who was commenting about the funeral and how things were going.  I stumbled upon a tribute video of Mark and his family.  It was shot from Mark’s perspective and really just captured the beauty and connectedness of family.  I cried.  For the first time in a long time I remembered what’s important.  It’s family.  It’s our relationships.  It’s this little family that I started with my husband 7 years ago.  It’s our two precious children.  Most of all, it was this man I fell madly in love with 7 years ago, the man who supported me through cancer trying his hardest right now to love me and show me how much he really cared.

The same day as Mark’s funeral, my husband and I talked well into the night and just apologized for all of the ways we had let our connection dwindle and almost burn out.  We forgave each other and let the past go.  The only thing we could do was start living to change the future. We held each other and promised each other to do everything in our power to strengthen our relationship.  We talked about ways to put those words into action and decided that an important way to draw closer together was to take a weekend and really spend some quality time together, just the two of us.

My husband moves fast and by the next day he had planned out an entire weekend getaway.  He arranged everything down to the babysitter.  He told me just to pack and not worry about a thing.  We are on a bit of a budget these days so price was definitely a factor.  He chose The Homestead Resort in Midway, UT.

The Homestead is a charming resort just about 40 miles from Salt Lake City.

On our drive to Midway, we were talking, listening to music and enjoying the ride.  I had a feeling to share Mark’s eulogy with my husband.  We turned down the music and I read.

After reading the eulogy and crying some more, my husband told me the day before Mark’s funeral, he had been worried about where I stood because I hadn’t fully responded to all of his efforts to turn our relationship around.  He told me that even though he never really knew Mark personally, he just kept thinking about him for some reason.  He told me, “don’t think I am crazy by telling you this” but that he thought about Mark and silently said in his mind, “Mark, Anna had a lot of respect for you, I know you’re busy looking over your family right now but if you, in some small way, could help Anna come back to me, I would be forever grateful.”

Tears streamed down my face as I told him about finding and watching the video of Mark and his family.  I told him about how seeing Jenny and the kids so happy and looking so radiant impacted me.  Watching them hold hands in this special connected way and how that brought back into view my dormant perspective.  How it solidified in me, once again, what was most important.

Jenny said this in Mark’s eulogy, “I just want to let you know, in him being here, he would hate for you all to be sad and mopey and just rolling around in the grief. He would want you to be happy and move on and do things, as that’s what he would do. He’s just not one to let things get to him and he would really want you guys to just go out and be happy. Have a beer. Go on vacation. Do a run, but do that in his name. Don’t sit around crying in his name; he wouldn’t want that for you.  I mean, feel free to cry. [laughter] Just know he’d rather you be out running around being happy.”

So with that said, my husband and I decided to do just what Mark would have wanted us to do, “run around and be happy”.  We dedicated our weekend away to Mark and decided to make the whole year “The year of Mark” by going away one weekend a quarter to discover other charming Utah destinations in order to help keep our relationship strong and healthy.

 

The Homestead Resort was established in 1886 by Swiss immigrant Simon Schneitter and his wife Fanny.

 

As you turn into The Homestead, their fountain has frozen over to create a small ice castle.  My husband thought for a second that it was THE ice castle in Midway.  We had a good laugh over that one.

There is a serene atmosphere around The Homestead.  It was an excellent place for us to clear our minds and just enjoy.

 

As soon as we arrived we scheduled a traditional horse drawn sleigh ride with Rocky Mountain Outfitters.  The private and romantic ride took us around The Homestead resort property giving us scenic views of the surrounding valley.

 

After the sleigh ride we cozied up in the amazingly comfortable bed in our executive suite which includes a nice warm gas fireplace.  Heavenly!

 

The next morning, after we slept in, we immediately went over to the outdoor hot tub for a soak. The hot tub is filled with hot mineral spring water from the near by crater.

 

Simon Schneitter discovered a large, unique looking rock crater on his property in 1886.

Flowing from the rock was soothing warm mineral water.  Soon after the hot pot became a local attraction.  It was overcast and steamy the morning we decided to take a dip.  This is a “must do” if you happen to find yourself in Midway, UT.

 

We had been hearing a lot of buzz about The Midway Ice Castles.  We headed over to check it out that evening.  They are very close to The Homestead.  It is only about a 3 minute drive.  The Ice Castles were definitely fun to see.

 

Simon’s surprised us.  My husband and I are both “foodies” and are critical when it comes to what we eat.

Simon’s surpassed all expectations and then some.  They have a gluten-free menu and lots of healthy options but if your looking for well-prepared comfort food, Simon’s is the place to go.  The fried chicken is probably the best we have ever had…anywhere!

 

We had an amazing weekend at The Homestead.  The staff and accommodations were top notch for the price.   My husband and I were able to reconnect in a meaningful way.

 

We thought of my dear friend Mark often and could feel him smiling as we dedicated this weekend to him.